Trista - My Twin Flame

Love. It’s a powerful thing. I never had the actual feeling of being truly "in love" until I met Trista. We’re very different, yet we are so close, so compatible. We even joke about us being complete opposites....but if you go by physics, opposites attract ;-) And do we ever!

I don’t really know how to arrange words in a way to express how I really feel. Maybe they don’t exist. When I think of her, I get that incredible euphoric feeling that I can’t describe....it makes me warm and fuzzy all over. I never imagined that I’d meet someone who could make me feel that way so powerfully. Those who know me know that I can be quite eccentric in my ideas, tastes and values. In how I look and act. And that had me thinking I was destined to stay single forever.

But Trista accepted all that strangeness that is me. We have our differences, of course, but they’re minimal compared to the power of our relationship. And it keeps developing, getting stronger. She’s made me a better person.

The thought of falling asleep beside her every night makes my world go ‘round :-D She means everything to me. She's my twin flame. We're meant to be. For the first time ever in my life I've actually decided to live with someone...to have her be with me forever. I love you Trista!!!!!

We went to Club Orpheus in Baltimore in Jan '08 for Maryland Ascension....we had an awesome time, saw XuberX live and experienced Baltimore cabs for the first time in our lives....what a trip!

Beautiful Liana and I....she's a handful, but oh so cute

Us Being In Love

Always looking HOT <3

She drew this for me one day

Happy as can be in front of our new home

Things She's Written, Newest To Oldest:

Cevyn just makes me feel amazing. It's weird for me to be with a guy who is so worried about pleasing me. One who does what I want, listens to what I have to say. I swear I was drowning in his eyes this weekend. They were all I could see, even when I wasn't looking into them. The dark brown outer ring, the almost green inner one. The pupils, and watching them grow and shrink with the light. Feeling his lips on my neck and shoulder. Feeling the bite of his nibbling. The way he grasps my shoulders when he's about to cum, and the way I pull him to me when I'm going to. Not one act stands out above the rest, as it all just feels like one fluid motion.

Feeling his hands run up my leg and back down when he's undressing me. Or the way he'll graze my shoulder when lowering a strap. He doesn't undress me with a hunger, but with a beauty. As if I'm the most beautiful person he has ever laid his eyes on and to do it quickly would rob him of enjoying it. The way he lays there to kiss me when we're done. Breathing heavily against my neck, feeling his whole body pressed against mine.

Cevyn. My Love. The one who showed me that real love is possible. The one guy that I have ever laid my eyes on and never wanted to take them off of him. The one guy who pushes me to be a better person, not for him, but for myself. The one guy who will, never, ever give up on me. Who would bend over backwards for me. Who makes me the center of his world. Who shows me I'm beautiful, and desirable, and brings out my passion for life. The one guy who has fully accepted me, with no qualms. The one guy who I know I can trust with my heart, and know it's not going to get broken. He makes me want to wake up each day, he makes me excited to crawl into bed at night because I know I get to cuddle up with him. He makes me want to try new things, explore everything, to keep learning, to never give up, and to share what I have to offer with the people that appreciate it. He makes me a better person just by being by my side. With all of his eccentricities, and all of our differences, he is still my true love.

I just wanted to tell you you're amazing. And thank you for accepting me even when I'm down. It makes me love you even more. I can't wait until May 24th when I move in to our new house and our life together. *kiss*

Cevyn is the first and only person I have ever *wanted* to live with. The only one I have even considered the option as my own choice. He's the only person I have ever seen as a main part of my future, even if everything else is a blur.

Love. I mean, words haven't even come close to describing how I feel about Cevyn. All of the words I've used, none of them sound right. None of them sound strong enough.

It's like, Cevyn makes me a better person, and I can say that, but it doesn't do it justice. Cevyn not only gives me the strength to make the healthier choices for myself, but the strength to make them for Liana as well. But even that doesn't describe it.

He has changed my life and my outlook in so many ways. He has made me feel as if dreams do come true. He is the only person who makes me feel like the Happy Ever After fairy-tale endings aren't really just endings, but beginnings. He gives me the ability to close my eyes and picture a future, where not everything is crystal clear, but one where he is always a main artery of it. He shows me that my dreams are not all out of reach, but very attainable. He makes me happy, just knowing that he loves me, and no one but me, and never wants to lose me. He gives me the ability to trust in myself even more than I ever did. He shows me completely new ways of doing things. He is proud of me.

There are so many things I could put about him. The way he calls me darling, or how he'll grab a brush and untangle my hair for me while I'm sitting around doing nothing, or how he'll paint my toe nails, or rub lotion on me, knowing that he hates lotion.

I managed to get an amazing guy. I haven't figured out how yet.

Cevyn and I are ever-growing closer. It struck me today that I never feel 'at-home' without him near me. I mean, I went through ten full months of self-discovery, of questioning every move, of weeding out the shit in my life, of setting goals before I met him. I felt whole for the first time in my life after that process, and I still feel whole, but he makes me feel like I'm a much greater whole. We have no illusions about us. We both understand it's a huge change for us both, that there will be periods of adjustment, and everything, but the way my heart lifts when I hear him say certain things, or the way we have connected on a mental level, more so than I can say I have ever connected with any other person I have ever met, it just makes me happy, and content, and scared all at the same time.

I think the best part of the weekend was how my and Cevyn's relationship grew. I appreciate and love him so much more. I mean, I have never been so much IN love. He still makes my heart flutter and puts butterflies in my stomach, just even more now. I can't wait to be with him on a permanent basis. I felt so right there with him. Like I was home. I don't think I ever felt more at home anywhere, taking into consideration the 28 houses I've lived in. I was just so comfortable there, even after I seen his bedroom. :D

You know, I've noticed at random moments (like today while sitting in the doctor's office) that thoughts of my boyfriend make me deliciously happy, even when I know I'm not going to see him for a few more days. There's just something about him that makes me smile, like when I'm cooking or doing the dishes and he comes up behind me and puts his arms around my waist and kisses my neck, or when he calls me Darling, or the way he watches me when I'm playing Tetris or Mario. Hehe. I <3 you, Cevyn.

I'm in love. I knew I was in love before, but it was so hard to admit it to myself. After going to dinner with Dave and talking to him about stuff that's been going on, he pointed out a few things to me and it made me see my love for Cevyn in a whole new light. He showed me I really do deserve it. So I am in love with someone who is amazing to me. Someone I didn't think I deserved, and now know I do. Now I just wish I could hold him right now. :( I'm getting really excited about the move to Maryland, as well. I haven't really done much thinking about it, but I want to be closer to Cevyn as well as get my life on track and I'm never going to have a good financial future here. There is nothing here for me, not a job, or a love, or even much of a life. I'm finally starting to see things a bit clearer. It's a nice feeling.

And I know you're all itching to hear about Cevyn...we had an incredible, amazing, (insert good-feeling adjective of your choice here), sensual, passionate, and exciting weekend. He makes it so easy for me to feel like I'm drowning in him. There is this indescribable feeling that I'm whole...and full...and something else I can't put my finger on. My real friends really like him, and believe that I have finally found a guy deserving of me. I sometimes think he's way too good for me. He accepts me wholly and makes me feel so beautiful...which is not something I'm all that used to. He and I have no areas of incompatibility so far. Four days together and we did not disagree once. We went out, ate, had fun, he met some of my friends, we took -A LOT- of pictures, which I will post momentarily as well. We're looking into my moving to Maryland. He's already offered to help me out in any way possible. I almost feel like I should hold my breath and see how long it will last. Hopefully a long time. He left yesterday and already I miss him so much it hurts. My bed smells like him yet there was this empty feeling when I awoke this morning. Is this how this is supposed to feel?

I have an incredible boyfriend...and yes, I did say boyfriend.

After almost exactly eight months of self-discovery and dating people who just weren't worth it or held no chemistry for me, I found one who amazes me.

I don't really even have words for him. I mean, there is this mental connection there that I have never felt with someone before. It's so weird, we actually have the exact same thoughts a lot of the time. We had a great time this weekend. I showed him some of the sites, here. Took a few pictures. Not many, as he didn't bring his tripod, but there are a few.

As for the other stuff, next weekend that guy I've been talking about it coming in. His name is Cevyn, by the way. He's in Georgia, and I seriously didn't think it possible to miss someone like this. He's amazing. He's beautiful. I know that's weird to hear from me, but we have this connection and it's like we share our thoughts. We can already finish each other's sentences. No one has been able to do that with me before. Not only that, though, his mind is a complete turn-on for me. He's so intelligent. I mean, his looks are a bonus but his mind...it just blows me away. I don't think I'm going to be single for much longer if things keep up like this.